The Lows of Chasing the Highs

Last week literally drained me.

And for some reason (my period x_x), no amount of positive thinking could shift the dark cloud hovering above my head. The doom and gloom, was truly dooming and glooming. The weeks prior to this one had been full of productivity. I was checking off things on my to-do list, crushing my physical and mental health goals, setting boundaries, and even reacting so much better to provocation that ordinarily would have dragged me to a lower vibrational state. My consistency was paying off and the results were apparent and beyond promising. And I was so proud of myself. So why? Why was I now feeling so tired of everything, and exhausted at doing any more work? Why was I feeling so dissatisfied, overwhelmed and discontent?

I was worried. Because there is this hope, that when we do the work consistently, and are rewarded for it, that we will finally achieve the lasting joy we have been seeking.

Right?

RIGHT?!

Sigh.

After an intense week of self care in the form of indulging in multiple episodes of an enemies to lovers Chinese rom-com, aka my favorite form of mind numbing therapy, it struck me, my melancholy wasn’t fueled by doing the work, what demotivated me was how much more I needed from the outcome. I had gotten my temporary boost of joy, basked in it, and it had faded, and now I wanted, no, I NEEDED more.

It made me realize that I do have a pattern of doing the work, getting the reward I worked for, being ecstatic for a moment, and then finding myself back at square one, dissatisfied and in search of a new shiny high that will change it all and quench my discontent, once and for all.

Sigh.

So my dear girlie, if you can relate to this emotional rollercoaster of chasing the next high and waiting for more, this journal is for you, and there is a psychological term for it, it is called Hedonic Adaptation.

Hedonic Adaptation is defined as a phenomenon in which our brains tend to quickly adjust to positive (or negative) changes, making the extraordinary feel ordinary over time. According to its researchers, humans have a specific baseline of happiness that we tend to return to after experiencing new stimuli. Which is why the joy you experienced at getting that new job, house, car, bonus, etc is no longer as exciting as it was at first. You find yourself needing something more because you are back to your default baseline level of happiness.

So girls, we are not crazy or greedy for always wanting more, we are just human. Yay!

And now that I am on the other side of realizing what this feeling is, and why it always arrives, here are a few reminders I will be holding onto, when it knocks again at my door.

• “Wait not, Want not”

  I don’t know about y’all, but “waiting” on future hopes and dreams coming to fruition, is such a frustrating experience. omg. And I truly can’t believe how much I put myself through it. Sure, there are things you can’t avoid waiting for, test results, callbacks, etc we all know the agony of waiting when it is out of our control. But doing it to ourselves constantly by making a habit out of waiting for the next best thing in our own life, is something I truly would like us to challenge. To put our joy in the hands of time, instead of in the present that we exist currently, is so counterproductive for us girlies who desire a life of contentment. It only teaches us to set our happiness towards a distant unknown future, and that way, our baseline will always hunger for more.

• “If not now, then when?”

  We desire the future so much because it is unwritten. There, we can imagine ourselves as heroines of our story. Braver than usual, more assertive, more powerful, with keys to doors we have only dreamed of walking through. In comparison, our selves now can often feel a lot less attractive. But the reality is, our future depends on what we do now, and who we decide to be now. All that energy you expend on waiting, coupled with the frustration that gathers from comparing the achievements of your dream future self to all that your current self lacks, should be used on seeing YOU. Yes, you now is so much more worthy of that energy investment. The future versions of you don’t need you to keep minimizing yourself in comparison to them while in wait of their arrival, they need you to start living as them now.

• “Intentionality, as the main course”

  Sometimes life gets so overwhelming, we forget all the good intentions we mapped out for ourselves. Babe, we are human, it is okay to have many moments of vulnerability, of wishing and wanting more. Because, it is in those moments we are moved to learn more about ourselves and our needs. It is where we realize where our joy lies. Is it in ourselves, or in the achievements we can claim? Is it in the future, or in the present? Living an intentional life, requires expanding your concept of joy beyond an external idea uncontrolled by you, it is finding it internally, in your self-awareness, in the day to day tasks you do to improve yourself, in developing pride in your ability to float, and in seeing the work you do to return to a baseline of mindfulness, particularly when you are overwhelmed. You are the next best thing in your life. Your strength, resilience, and authenticity create a tapestry of magnificence. Instead of waiting for external validation, shower yourself with the love and appreciation you deserve.

My dear girlies, what a relief to know that we are not alone in this struggle! Knowing what we know now about the emotional rollercoaster of hedonic adaptation, let’s do our best to break this pattern when it inevitably rears it’s ugly head. No matter the dips and detours life may take, we can make it a habit to always redirect ourselves towards savoring our current chapter, rather than remain waiting in frustrated anticipation for what is to come.

Cheers to us for loving ourselves so much we are conquering new challenges every week, ugh, I love us so much!