Managing Expectations: Why People Aren't Always What We Think (and How to Be Okay With That)
Last week, amidst the 100 million things I had to do, I binged watched a Korean Drama called Marry My Husband. It was a hectic week for me but there I was, like a scavenger finding pockets of time within my busy schedule to watch this drama because of how obsessed I was with finishing this show. You see, I needed to see how the wicked people in the heroine’s life would be punished. I NEEDED IT because these people were so horrible to the heroine and I couldn’t rest until they were properly punished the way I saw fit. Now my need to see wicked people punished is a story for another day. Today’s Journal is about normalizing seeing the bad in people.
The adage "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst," while seemingly cynical, holds a crucial truth: recognizing the potential for darkness within humans is not a descent into negativity, but rather a realistic acknowledgment of our complex nature.
While the impulse to normalize seeing the "bad" in people can be misconstrued as cynicism, I argue that it is not optimism that requires normalization, but the ability to acknowledge the full spectrum of human behavior, embracing both the good and the bad.
As humans, we tend to project our qualities, whether bad or good onto others, so individuals who hold genuine kindness and good intentions within themselves often struggle to accept the possibility that others may not share their inner compass. This projection of virtue can lead to disappointment and a rude awakening, when faced with the harsh reality of human cruelty.
Normalizing the possibility of encountering negativity doesn't advocate for an existence steeped in suspicion. Instead, it encourages a nuanced understanding of human nature. We are not defined solely by our best moments; within each of us is both light and dark energy. Embracing this complexity allows for a more realistic perspective on the world around us.
In addition, acknowledging the potential for "badness" in others creates a sense of personal responsibility. By recognizing that harm can originate not just from distant villains, but from seemingly ordinary individuals, we are empowered to take proactive measures against it. This translates to setting healthy boundaries in our personal interactions with people, and navigating the world with greater awareness, which allows us to cultivate genuine kindness and compassion while simultaneously safeguarding ourselves and those around us from potential harm.
It's important to mention that normalizing the "bad" in people doesn't imply a complete disregard for the good…like….I’'m not saying we should all turn into suspicious cynics, constantly expecting the worst…I personally think that is a horrible way to live. I’m all for maintaining a sense of hope for humanity and seeing the “good” in people. However, normalizing the possibility of encountering negativity within others is a necessary step towards having a more realistic understanding of the human condition. We can still be kind and hopeful, but also have our guard up a little, just in case. It is by acknowledging the full spectrum of human behavior, embracing both the light and the shadow, that we can truly strive towards a better world.
xx
