Girl take that pen, and rewrite that story over & over again
Risky uncertainty > Familiar misery
Just last week, I came across an old picture of myself at 24 (I am in my late 30s now), and while I was smiling broadly in the picture, all I could think about was how much that smile hid. Then, I was in a grad school professional program I despised, in an emotionally abusive relationship, and surrounded by friends I wasn’t even sure truly liked me. I was miserable, and feeling disconnected from myself in every way. What kept me sane, were my fantasies of dropping out of the program, dumping the boyfriend, and changing the relationships in my life, but the actual doing of it, was so terrifying to confront. My life would change so much. And could I guarantee that it would be better? Did better even exist?
To me, the hardest part of starting over is making that leap from obsessing about it, to making the commitment to actually do it. A lot of times, so many of us never make that leap, choosing instead to prioritize the safety of familiarity, over the risk of uncertainty. But here is what I have learned since the year I was 24 , while it is true that new problems arise in every path we take, better, certainly does exist. I dropped out of the program, dumped the boyfriend and changed the relationships in my life. And my life became so much better because it reconnected me to myself. Life was no longer just happening to me, I was playing a part in the direction i wanted my life to take. It taught me so much about listening to myself, because the relief that accompanied choosing myself was life changing. And since then, I have started over, in many ways, and many directions, knowing that whatever uncertainty and discomfort that may follow, will never compare to the relief of honoring the needs of my current and future selves.
The beautiful secret of starting over that may give you some clarity and a much needed push, is that the thoughts that you need a change, only descend when it is time. Starting over is a timely girlie, who only shows up when she is ready, so if you are content with where you are, these thoughts would not even materialize. So my sweet girlie, pay attention to the relentless demands of a new beginning echoing inside your head, no, you are not just you overthinking, they belong to the voices of your future selves, beckoning for you to give it a shot. Your story cannot wait to write itself. Those pages are so ready for new chapters to be written. Here is your sign to be brave, and make this commitment.
Remember that you don’t have to start over in a rush, nor do you have to plan it out to the very last drop. You can just inhale, exhale and make the decision that you will indeed start over. That in itself is a huge step, and then, inch by inch, start building towards making your first big move. And as always, we are here to help you get started. As mentioned, the hardest part of getting started is making the decision to do so, so here are 5 gentle nudges to help get you walking on the path to the rest of your brand new life.
1. Stop terrorizing yourself.
You are not an irresponsible, ungrateful, selfish, unserious loser for needing a do-over. You are human, and self aware enough to know the life you are living, no longer suits the person that you are. What you actually need is a reminder of who you are. You deserve to honor your true self, by fully embracing a change that leads you away from continually living a mediocre existence to please everyone else.
2. Visualize it into existence
Reflect, write it down, and visualize your new life, over and over again. Don’t hold back from entertaining the fullness of your dreams out of fear of “confusing yourself”. Confuse yourself babe, with as much clarity as you can muster. Claim what you want, and visualize it. You need to believe that more is possible. Having a clear vision in your head, helps you to see the next step to make.
3. Find your Yes.
Do you know that what we read, listen to, watch and who we surround ourselves with can affect the decisions we choose to make for ourselves? If your current life does not have people who will understand your desire to start over, find them elsewhere. Your immediate community doesn’t have to be your only source of support. Podcasts, books, articles, and supportive communities like TGLM, , can help you find that “yes” you are looking for.
4. Slow growth is still growth.
Do not expect to have it all figured out, the instant you decide to make a switch. After I dropped out of my professional program, a whole new list of problems cropped up. But the relief that these were problems that I didn’t feel chained to, unlike before, helped so much to give me the confidence to build towards the life I actually wanted. I learned that I could start and stop, and redirect myself until I found exactly where I wanted to go. And that was a lot better than feeling stuck in a place I was not happy in. A slow uncertain pace towards the life of your dreams, is alot faster than staying stuck in a life you don’t want.
5. Filter the lessons from the regrets.
The shoulda woulda couldas are loud as fuck aren’t they. Some days I still wish I made the decision earlier to prioritize myself on so many different occasions. I wish I fought harder to pursue the creative career path I wanted, never met this or that person, stayed so long where I didn’t belong, paid closer attention to the glaring red flags. It is normal to wish we could have done things differently. Your past is filled with lessons that shaped who you are today. And rather than be be mad at yourself, for being a human doing life for the first time, acknowledge the resilience and strength you've developed through challenges, knowing they contribute to your journey. You are allowed to keep moving forward, take the lessons you have learned with you, and leave the past behind you.
Starting over is no easy feat, your hesitance in taking a major leap is valid. But do not forget to hold trust that everything is unfolding exactly as it should. The discomfort you feel in your current life, is propelled by an awareness that you don’t fit in anymore. You are energetically incompatible, and need to experience a deeper connection with yourself in the new world you belong to. So leap babe, you will land gracefully. Have faith in yourself and the journey ahead, knowing that you have the strength and resilience to overcome any obstacles that may arise.
Let me be the first to congratulate you for being such a decisive queen. Cheers to writing a life story filled with colorful and exciting new chapters.
The Girls Like Me
