Embracing your Inner Villain: How Self-Acceptance Fuels Growth and Healing
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No one really prepares you for how hard it is to accept that your own behavior has cost you things you wanted and relationships you cherished. Realizing that you’ve played a leading role in some of life’s messiest moments is a tough pill to swallow. It leaves you questioning your choices, feeling less trusting of yourself, and wondering if you’re capable of doing the right thing.
And you know what? That’s completely natural.
Facing yourself—truly seeing yourself—is one of the hardest parts of any healing journey. It’s the part most people avoid because it means checking out of the luxurious presidential suite at Hotel Victimhood. And honestly? I get it. The ick I feel recalling moments when my behavior hurt people or cost me something important is unmatched. OMG. Send the flood.
The Hard Truth About Self-Reflection
I have struggled all my life with having a temper, that flares out of control in moments I am irritated, anxious, insecure or hurt. It has taken a lot of work to reel it in, but still, I have those moments when it slips past my grasp. And after those moments, I would be overwhelmed with self loathing and disappointment, sad that I am still choosing such a damaging way to communicate. But as I continued to do the work, I found myself coming to a realization, I had to embrace that side of myself, to be able to control it.
Shifting the Narrative About Your Dark Side
Instead of viewing that version of myself as a villain, I started seeing her as my protector. She’s the version of me who fiercely defends my boundaries. She was the version of me who would burn every bridge if necessary, if she felt I was being disrespected. So why would I completely eradicate such a powerful side of myself? I needed her. I just needed to help her find a more effective way to communicate.This shift allowed me to stop loathing her and start working with her. I began to:
Pause Before Reacting: When I feel emotions bubbling up, I take deep breaths before I speak or act.
Communicate Differently: I remind myself that I can deliver the same message in a calmer, more effective way.
Recognize Her Strength: I honor her for stepping in to defend me but guide her toward healthier expressions of that strength.
Tips to Embrace Your Dark Side
Acknowledge the Good in Your Flaws:
Instead of berating yourself for being, say, “too self-centered,” recognize the strength in putting yourself first. Then, work on balancing that trait by practicing empathy and considering others’ needs.
Pause and Reflect Before Acting:
When strong emotions arise, take three deep breaths. Ask yourself, “How can I express this in a way that aligns with my values?”
Journal Your Triggers:
Reflect on moments when your “dark side” took over. What triggered it? How can you approach similar situations differently next time?
Seek the Lesson in Each Flaw:
Every trait has a purpose. Instead of rejecting it, ask, “What is this version of me trying to protect or accomplish?”
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection:
Growth isn’t about never slipping up. It’s about catching yourself faster and choosing a better response more often.
Why Self-Acceptance is Key
Fully accepting yourself, means you can’t pretend the ugly isn’t present. When you are aware you have sides to you that can be hurtful and problematic, it pushes you to take better care to ensure that you are not.
Remember: your light and dark sides work together to make you the beautiful, chaotic, and imperfect human you are. Instead of erasing your “flaws,” learn to integrate them into your journey with compassion and grace.
A Gentle Reminder
Healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth. Be gentle with yourself as you learn to manage the parts of you that feel harder to love. Every side of you serves a purpose, and when you embrace them all, you become unstoppable.
Reflection Prompt: What’s one part of yourself you’ve struggled to accept, and how can you reframe it as a strength?
Have a great week, babe—you’ve got this. 💖
