Who is on your “YOU” team?
I hate to admit it but I’m a very stubborn person.I unfortunately associated the term stubborn with closed minded people, who had trouble understanding how other people lived their lives, so it came as a shocker when my own sister called me stubborn. I was aghast…dismayed…and ready to fight…but after a semi heated argument, I understood what she was saying. You see, I am stubborn when it comes to the things in my life because I am so sure that I know what is best for me. And alas, that is not always the case.
My stubbornness was born out of the trauma of allowing other people to make decisions for my life and having to face the consequences created by these decisions. I grew up with parents that decided what was best for me in school. They picked subjects that would align with the best career they thought would make me loads of money in the future. I went along with their plans for most of my life in school, hating it but thinking that because they were my parents, and were older and wiser than me, they knew what was best for me. I of course had to face the consequences of being in programs that I had no passion for, incurring disappointment from my parents when I walked away from said programs, working on figuring out how to best fix my life after the fact and of course, working on fixing the relationship with my parents after all of that disappointment. I decided that after going through that experience, I was NEVER going to go down a path that was not exactly what I wanted to do and I became very solid on the dos and the don’ts in my life and nobody was going to take that away from me.
From huge decisions like where I wanted to live, to small decisions like what parting I wanted my hair in…I preferred to make decisions on my own, with zero input from the people around me. I fear my trauma was turning me into a bit of an askhole… which was a literal nightmare. I had zero trust in the ideas others had for me, but I came to realize that I was creating a harder time for myself by not also listening to others…especially the ones that I should have trusted had good intentions for me…aka my compass crew.
We all need a compass crew. These are the people that challenge your assumptions, ask probing questions, and force you to confront your own blind spots. Their presence provides a safe space to unpack your thoughts, fears, and aspirations. They listen without judgment, offer different angles, and most importantly, remind you of who you are and what truly matters…because sometimes we can get lost in all of our problems and not see ourselves as we truly are. Sometimes, their advice is a gentle nudge in the right direction, other times it's a firm hand on my shoulder, pulling you back from the edge.
A lot goes into getting a good compass crew together. They have to be astute, supportive, honest, with similar values so it is actually insane that I would reach out to anyone in this group, soundboard my plans with them and refuse to listen to what they had to say. I was the very definition of an askhole and all the while I thought I was protecting myself, I was just making life harder for myself.
In overcoming my trauma, I had to release myself from my control issues and trust in my compass crew’s belief in my ability to navigate. I really had to see them as my cheerleaders on the sidelines, celebrating my victories (big or small) and offering a metaphorical life raft whenever I hit rough waters. It was a difficult process, and I feel like I am still trying to get to an ideal balance but I believe it is important and it is something I strive towards.
Life's voyage is yours to captain, but having a reliable compass crew by your side makes the journey smoother. Sometimes you don’t have all the answers and sometimes you need people to remind you that even when the waves get choppy, you have the tools and the support to reach your destination.
