And the category is, Me, Myself & I.
One of my favorite things about my 3 year old niece is watching her reign as queen of her household. She knows what she wants, and says what she wants, and is never hesitant about sharing her displeasure. It’s my favorite thing to watch. So little, but so mighty at the same time. And I think I enjoy it particularly, because it just shows how much at the rawest, most natural level, the human need to prioritize ourselves.
Of course as we take time leaps from toddler, to teen, to adult, most of us learn to different extents, that the world doesn’t and cannot revolve around us. We learn that we share the world with people, who are equally as important as we are, and who deserve to stand center in their own universe. But some of us, unfortunately learn this in ways that skew this beautiful truth. Some of us learn that it is selfish to stand center in our own universe, and live a life that is also heavily considerate of us. Perhaps you were raised in a household that demonized any form of individuality, and introduced guilt and shame into wanting to be, say and do things that were uniquely you. Maybe you learned over time to dim your light, that it was considered the right thing to do to let others outshine you. Maybe you found yourself more isolated when you fought for your individuality, and decided being liked was more of a priority since it guaranteed some form of community. Maybe everyone around you just strongly believed it was vanity to put yourself first. Either way, somewhere along your journey, you became the girlie who feels guilt and shame every time you consider doing something just for you.
If you can relate to any of this, this journal is for you. And today, I want you to take the time to reflect on how you can get past this reductive self belief.
Because, you deserve to take up space in the universe. To shine as brightly as anyone else. Your energy is unique, and no one else can do you, the way that you can. So what you are not going to do, is keep denying your true nature and keep holding onto learned beliefs that get in the way of vibrating at your highest level. There is no more need to dim your lights down to match everyone else’s around you. Because the irony is, while you are making this costly sacrifice, you become too distracted to acknowledge how highly theirs is turned up. Their commitment to prioritizing themselves is so blinding, you dim yours down so theirs can be the only one seen.
umm, hell no.
So girlies, it’s time to turn them lights all the way up, unapologetically. And here is how you begin;
Your very first mission is to become a boundaries queen. You have to reflect on your life and be very honest about the ways you neglect yourself. Be so honest, to the point where it’s an out of body experience seeing how much you diminish your light so everyone else is comfortable. And as uncomfortable as it may feel to interrupt this pattern of behavior, remember how much more uncomfortable life feels for you when you don’t honor yourself. Begin to communicate these boundaries to others, and be extremely firm in enforcing them. No exceptions. If it doesn’t align with your priorities, then sorry, it’s a no for you.
Next, is to ease up on yourself. See the thing about dimming your own light that no one tells you, is that YOU start to see yourself as less, and believe that your own needs are secondary. And that’s why I have always believed in thinking highly of yourself. When you value yourself, you want the best for yourself and you start to see the importance of talking to yourself in the best way and caring for yourself like a beloved friend. It becomes so much easier to be kind, understanding and generous to yourself, and before you know it, self critical thoughts become a thing of the past.
While you are now becoming your own champion, it’s important to start indulging in self care activities that are great for you. Get into the habit of exercising, meditation, reading or any activity that brings you joy and relaxation. Make these activities non-negotiable and prioritize them regularly. Make discipline a form of self care in your life. And as you watch the changes shaped by you happen, you begin to value yourself even more for the expansive possibilities you create just by doing the things you say you will.
And as you start to see yourself as more worthy, you quickly realize that sacrificing yourself to please others is really and truly the worst idea. For one, it sucks, and secondly, takers tend to become so entitled, you rarely ever feel your generosity acknowledged. You are allowed to say no. To not do everything alone. To accept help, and to also demand it.
And while you are at it, don’t forget to say yes to yourself. Make a conscious effort to say yes to opportunities that align with your goals and bring you happiness. Prioritize activities that contribute to your personal and professional growth. In summary, do what you gotta do to get where you are trying to go! You have to be the person most invested and most active in seeing your dreams come to fruition.
Pro tip, make sure to set goals that feel easy to accomplish. Being kind to yourself also involves not setting unrealistic expectations that bring you disappointment. Sometimes all you have to do is start. You can grow as you learn. You can keep perfecting your vision at every stage. Don’t be afraid of how poorly you begin, how much it doesn’t resemble your most well structured final boss idea, the fact that you did it at all is a victory. Celebrate your small wins. Remember that Beyonce went from performing in her mom’s salon in front of customers, to selling out stadiums.
And lastly and most importantly, surround yourself with positive people who love to see you glow. You need people in your life who not only inspire you to be the best of yourself, but who also heavily support this new journey you will be embarking on. It’s incredible how much our immediate environment can influence our self esteem and motivation. Find your tribe and grow with them.
Remember, putting yourself first is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection and commitment. It's not about neglecting others but ensuring that you are in a position to give your best to yourself and those around you. Embrace the journey, and be patient with yourself as you make positive changes.
See you the other side babe, we have been waiting for you to get here.
