Letting Go of Past Pain: How to Embrace Healing
Some time ago, I caught myself in the middle of reconstructing what I should have said to a friend of mine during a conversation about the issues in our friendship. It hadn’t gone as well as I’d hoped. While we didn’t hurl insults at each other, the conversation lacked the clarity I’d wished for—the kind of clarity that could release the friction that had built up between us. We ended on a cordial note, but deep down, I knew nothing would change. Our friendship would likely remain polite but distant. Two years later, I was still replaying the sting of that unresolved moment.
Image Credit: Paramount TV Network
Why Do We Revisit Old Hurts?
I’ve noticed this pattern in myself, I get lost in painful interactions from the past, especially those that never felt fully addressed or resolved. Even when I’ve grown from the experience and moved on in many ways, I still find myself lingering on the hurt—almost like it just happened. This habit can be such a drain. It keeps me tied to a moment that no longer serves me, making it harder to flow with life as it unfolds.
What’s more frustrating is that even after embracing the growth and lessons from the experience, my thoughts still lead me back to that pain, as if I need to feel it all over again. It’s like picking at a scab that’s trying to heal.
This brings me to a TikTok I watched recently, where a 102-year-old woman shared life lessons. In the clip, she said something that hit me hard:
“You can either hang on to the pain, or hang on to what the pain has taught you. It’s like when you cut your arm and you have a scab. You can keep picking at it because it kind of hurts good, but when you stop picking at it and let it heal, you can look at it and say, ‘Oh, I know what you are. I know who you are.’ When you actually live through the process and learn the lessons, then you can heal. And as you heal, it’s just a scar.”
Let me tell you, that felt like a personal call-out. I realized that my habit of rehashing old memories was like picking at a scab. Sure, there’s a guilty comfort in revisiting those feelings, but it also keeps me stuck, tethered to a pain I should be moving past.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
To anyone else who finds themselves mulling over painful past experiences, here’s some perspective: we have the power to monitor how often we revisit those moments and how long we linger there. While it’s natural to reflect on the past, it’s important to recognize when it’s time to let go.
Here’s how we can start shifting the narrative:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel hurt, disappointed, or unresolved. Honor those feelings without judgment.
Reframe the Memory: Instead of focusing on the pain, ask yourself: What did this teach me? Identify the growth and wisdom you gained.
Create Space for Healing: When thoughts of the past arise, gently redirect your mind to the present moment. Engage in activities that bring you joy or peace.
Set Boundaries with Yourself: Limit how much time you spend revisiting old hurts. Journaling can be a helpful way to process your thoughts without dwelling on them endlessly.
Seek Support: Sometimes, talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or mentor can help you gain clarity and move forward.
A Gentle Reminder
Healing is a process, and it’s one that requires patience and self-compassion. If you find yourself revisiting past pain, remember this: wounds heal faster when we stop picking at them. By letting them rest and embracing the lessons they taught us, we give ourselves the freedom to move forward with clarity and peace.
Reflection Prompt: What’s one lesson you’ve learned from a painful experience? How can you honor that growth as part of your healing journey?