Women are policed for everything. EVERYTHING!
Breastfeed your child for 10 years because it is "baby friendly", but also don't breastfeed in public, it’s indecent.
Don't have sex with too many men, but also hang from a ceiling fan and be a porn star on your wedding night, even though you’re a ‘virgin’ at your wedding.
Be modest, but not too much, so you are not seen as unsexy.
Show some skin but not too much so you don’t seem slutty.
Be classy but HOT!
Be skinny but not too skinny.
Be curvy but not too curvy,
Be tall but not too tall, so you don’t look manly.
Have boobs and ass but not too much so it’s not too much. (Yeah because we can control all our bodily functions and growth).
When you are on your period don’t act like you’re dying; even if you are, be discreet.
But also ‘celebrate your womanhood’.
Be a feminist, excel in your career, have 3 kids and look like you’re 25, still maintain your bedroom porn star status and do everything for your kids and husband and of course, also be a great friend to him.
But also submit (read: shrink yourself, neglect yourself, abandon your goals and worship his existence, be anything he tells you to be so you don’t make him feel less of himself).
Don’t talk when he is talking, or when he is not talking, or when he wants to talk but he is not sure.
Don’t talk too loud so you’re not bossy.
Don’t squeak like a mouse so you don’t seem timid
Don’t wear too much make-up, be natural.
Don’t NOT wear make-up you will look like a plane Jane.
Be natural! With your hair, but also why is your hair so unruly and weird?
But also don’t wear weaves that look like they are weaves but wear weaves that ARE WEAVES but don’t look like they are weaves so they can seem natural because your natural hair is whatever.
Be dark but not too dark skinned, light skinned but not too light skinned so you don’t look like you bleached your skin.
Look like a ‘Modern Woman’ (I still don’t know what it means) but also don’t be materialistic.
Shop in the dollar store and make it look like you’re wearing Prada.
Be educated. But don’t rub it in everyone’s face. (Read don’t make it obvious).
Go to church, but don’t be too holy. Go to the club, but don’t be too slutty.
Go to work, but submit to all the men at work too.
Be a proverbs 31 Woman, but ignore the fact that she was beautiful, wore the best of the best, had maids and servants, and she was unapologetically everything she could be.
Be bob the builder for your man!
But also don’t make him feel like he has to do more/better than he is doing already.
Have sex so you’re not inexperienced, but when men don’t want to use protection, allow it so they can enjoy it.
But when you get pregnant don’t abort it because you are wayward!
Ignore the fact that the burden of birth control is 90% on you.
Snap back to pre-baby body 3 months after giving birth.
You know, the man’s penis will die after 3 months without adequate sex or he will seek it elsewhere.
Ignore the fact that your body just produced a whole HUMAN and needs to heal.
Raise your children (read- pretty much alone).
Ignore the fact that they have fathers, because ‘providing’ absolves them of the responsibility of raising them.
If a man is abusive, try and endure. ‘Ride or DIE. Ignore all the emotional/physical/psychological abuse you have to endure.
Even if you leave, DON'T remarry. Don’t you know God hates divorce?!
If society could make women into puppets, It would have been done a very long time ago.
To every woman that can relate to any line I wrote, Be You.
In whatever form,
With no apologies.
Written By: Abimbola Oshodi
Abimbola is a 25 year old who currently spends her time unlearning, relearning and learning everything. She has a Bachelor’s in Psychology from Covenant University and currently lives in the U.S. She is a Christian, Feminist, Special Needs Advocate and Foodie; in that order.
She tweets as @_AbimbolaOshodi.