Yes, this is another one of those essays on feminism.
And it is sad that we need to have another one, because people still do not get it. So we have to keep talking about it until everyone gets it.
This is one drum that we will keep beating till everyone in the market place is dancing, because if we do not ensure that every man, woman and child gets on that feminism train, then we're all heading for disaster.
You know how when people were advised to always wash their hands after using the bathroom, and just generally stay clean? People didn't listen, until Ebola broke out in Nigeria and everybody became a sanitation officer. So, let's not wait for the eventual doom.
This is another article on feminism; I hope you'll stay till the end, but if you won't, shut the door behind you.
When Nigerian men hear the word 'feminism', their backs arch, the hair on their skin bristles, they assume an instant stand of defence against their god-given position as leaders.
Feminism has a slightly different effect on Nigerian women; fear - of what they know as their place, with men, being shaken. They do not want to be seen rocking the boat of comfort.
This is the natural order of things in a Nigerian home: Father as provider, Mother as nurturer. But that 'natural order' is a lie, one that has been told over and over. It was ingrained in us by our parents, whose parents taught them the same.
We, in turn, are passing it on to our children.
It is a lie that has passed through generations of societal culture; it will not be disputed so easily, and this is why we fight... for truth.
Here is the truth: men and women are able to adopt and adapt to any roles within the family and society, as long as there is love and will.
This is the basic tenet of feminism: men and women given fair and equal opportunities. It really as simple as that. Don't over think it too much.
No, it is not women trying to cut off men's penises (even though, men seem to have a problem aligning their vows of commitment with their need to go skinny dipping with their penises).
Feminism is advocating for equal rights and opportunities for women.
The only people who fight against feminism are people who have benefited from the perpetuation of the inequality.
Pause for a while and think about whether you have benefited from injustice against women.
1: As a little boy were you treated like a mini-god, just because you were a boy?
2: As a little girl were you encouraged not to reach your full potential, because you would grow up to become a man's responsibility?
3: Are you a negligent and inattentive father, because you believe taking care of your child is the responsibility of the women in your life? (Mothers and sisters, y'all need to stop enabling this!)
4: Are you a woman who truly believes that driving long distances, putting on the generator, and turning a tyre iron, are things she is incapable of doing because she is tethered to a man?
Feminism seeks equality for genders.
From time immemorial, women have been working, tilling the soil, trading, and literally bringing home the bacon. They have done it under the shadow of men, protecting what is notably the 'fragile ego' of men.
Nigerian women slave, toil, suffer so many indignities, under the auspices of keeping their homes. Even in the work place, a woman is still expected to carry out "domestic services" at work. In a meeting with men, a woman, is the default person expected to lay out the tea and biscuits for other executives.
Striving for gender equality means educating people that if a man serves other men tea, he will not die, and it is in no way emasculating.
I am a feminist because of my mother.
I watched her run around picking up after my father; ensuring that he was well fed and he was well taken care of.
My mother was never a house wife; together with my father, they started and ran a pharmaceutical manufacturing company.
My mother is brilliant; her business acumen and tenacity is incredibly enviable. However, all of that takes a back seat when it comes to being a wife.
My mother was a provider in every sense of the word, but would never deign to sign a cheque without my father's approval. She always saw herself as less than him.
It was there in the little things, like applying for a 2 year visa for herself, while applying for 10 years for Daddy. He ate Uncle Bens rice, and she (along with the children) ate regular rice. And God forbid that he packed his bag for a trip. For many years, I strongly believed that it was a woman's duty to pack her husband's bags for a trip, until I went to University and met people from different homes.
Imagine my education upon discovering that there were women out there who were not going crazy about how many singlets and tighty-whities, to pack for their husband's 3 day trip.
I was determined not to become my mother. I am not less than a man, simply because I am a woman; and it has taken years of unlearning and relearning, to realize that my worth is not dependent on whether I am able to cook catfish stew and pound yam to smooth perfection to the pleasure of my husband.
I know for a fact that there is no reward for suffering. The path to living my best life is not fraught with jumping hoops and constantly living in fear of being belittled even more. It hurts me so much to see that my mother is unable to pick up her passport and go on a holiday she wants and deserves, just because Daddy does not approve.
The thing with patriarchy is that it's been so deeply entrenched, that victims do not often see it. My mother is happy. Or maybe not; I don't know, because she wraps all her joys and sadness in a large cloak of Christian blurbs - spurted intermittently to kill any attempts to probe further.
As with other Judaism based religions, Christianity is at the forefront of the promotion of misogyny. There are too many problematic doctrines in the Christian Bible that are often wielded, by patriarch oppressors. Victims, like my mother and millions of other Nigerian women, are also terrified of offending God, because they believe that the Bible is the inalienable word of God (written by men, I don't know how that works, but hey they believe it! ).
My father also influenced my feminist inclination. Growing up, he treated us equally. I learned how to drive at 16, like my brothers. I could "wind" the generator. I learned to swim, and he did not monitor my dressing, or tell me that there was something I could not do.
My sister and I were raised knowing that we could reach for the stars and damn well get there... and beyond.
For everything my father impressed upon us as girls, it made it more glaringly obvious that my mother was not enjoying the same privileges.
Maybe my father believed in raising his daughters to be strong, driven, and successful women. Maybe not. However, one thing is sure; he is reaping the benefits of gender inequality, having a woman who is supposed to be his partner, live in happy subservience for the past 47 years.
So, if my parents, who were raised in another time and another place have some kind of justification for injustice and inequality... let's call it ignorance, and plain wickedness (There's no other name for it,if we're honest), why are we still nurturing patriarchy and letting it blossom in 2017?
Seriously though, like Chimanda Ngozi Adichie said: "We should all be feminists".